Marriage: You may know how to talk but do you know how to communicate?

“O you who have attained to faith! Remain conscious of Allah, and always speak with a will to bring out [only] what is just and true. He will cause your deeds to be virtuous, and will forgive you your sins. And [know that] whoever pays heed unto Allah and His Apostle (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم) has already attained to a mighty triumph.” (Qur’an 33:70-71)

There is a famous saying that you have two ears and one mouth, use them in that proportion. Some people love the sound of their own voice. The art of good communication is to say what you mean and be heard in the way you want to be heard. The blessed Prophet (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم) reminds us that “Even a pleasant word is charity”.

Good communication is not:

• When you shout the loudest
• When you argue the most
• When you ignore the opinion of others
• When you always get your way

There are five principles that govern good communication:

i) Listen carefully: When someone is talking to you, it is important that your body language demonstrates you are actually listening. You should pay attention to what is being said and show empathy.

ii) Say what you mean and mean what you say: If you do not mean it, do not say it, would be the best advice. Words make and break relationships, so say things that will bring the best out of your spouse. Some go too far, using words intended to hurt and cause maximum damage. This is not the best way to communicate, especially not with the person you love!

iii) Do not judge another’s intention: You cannot read minds, therefore do not interpret what is being said using you own biased thoughts. Ask your spouse what the intention was behind what was said. It is reported that the blessed Prophet (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم) reminds us that we should give the benefit of the doubt even seventy times.

iv) Give feedback: Clarify if you feel you have been misunderstood or not heard right, or if you have not heard something correctly. One way to ensure this happens effectively is to simply say, “Did I hear you right, did you say…” or “Did you mean” or “Let me clarify” or “I may have said it wrong, let me say that again”. These small phrases avoid huge upheavals and hurt feelings. Express how you feel honestly and respectfully. If your spouse does not know how you feel, how will they address the issue?

v) Agree on a resolution: At the end of any conversation, especially a continuous one, do not leave it hanging. Agree on a step forward. It could be as simple as saying “Let’s carry on with this conversation later” or “The way forward on the issue we have discussed is….” Take responsibility, agree on who is going to do what. A conversation that does not end with an agreed resolution usually festers and later turns into a row.

Islam places further emphasis on one or more principle:

vi) Practice what you preach: “O YOU who have attained to faith! Why do you say one thing and do another? Most loathsome is it in the sight of Allah that you say what you do not do!” (Qur’an 61:2-3)

People who preach what they do not practice lose respect and credibility. Our loved ones pick up on these obvious contradictions and may harbour negative or ill feelings towards us. This is not the best way to develop respect and get closer to your spouse.

We should not communicate with malice in our heart. We should not harbour suspicions and doubts about our spouse. We should think well of others and speak politely or stay quiet, advised the blessed Prophet (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم).

A saying of the blessed Prophet (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم) highlights the importance of meaningful communication:

“I guarantee a house in the surroundings [outskirts] of Paradise for a person who avoids quarreling even if s/he were in the right; a house in the middle of Paradise for a person who avoids lying even if s/he were joking; and a house in the upper part of Paradise for a person who made her/his character good.”

[Hadith Abu Dawud]

Blindness of the Heart and the Extinguishment of its Light

From among the punishment of sins is that they blind the insight and discernment of the heart. Sins extinguish the light of the heart and obstruct the pathway to knowledge. They keep the basic ingredients of guidance hidden from the individual. When Imaam Maalik met ash-Shafi’ee, he noticed that he possessed certain characteristics. He (Maalik) said, “I see that Allaah the Most High, has cast a light upon you, and you do not extinguish it with the darkness of disobedience.”

This light (within the sinner) continues to weaken and fade away as the darkness of disobedience grows stronger until the heart becomes jet-black. How many destructive situations do such people fall into without knowing what has happened? He is like the blind that ventures into the night, along a path filled with danger and peril. Oh, what a great pity! Oh, how quick the ruin!

As these layers of darkness (resulting from sin) grow stronger, their effects pour out from the heart onto the limbs. Then the face is covered with a blackness (whose density) is according to the frequency and increase of the sins. Eventually, at the time of his death, the darkness appears in the grave.

The Prophet (salallaahu ‘alayhie wa sallaam) said:

“إن هده القبور ممتلة على أهلها ظلمة، وإن الله ينورها يصلاتي عليهم”

“Indeed these graves spread a darkness over their people. Allaah provides light for the graves with my prayers for the people.” Saheeh Muslim (no. 956)

Finally, on the Day that the servants are gathered, the faces of the sinners are held high and made visible as the assembled onlookers watch these faces become black as coal. Oh, what a punishment! A punishment to which there is nothing in the entire world that is comparable to it. How much less is the portion of the unfortunate servant who labors endlessly, during a duration that is only a moment in a dream?

Transcribed from: Sins and their Punishments || Ibn ul-Qayyim (rahimahullaah)

I Love You – Allah (Poem)

The Love You give me is one of a kind
There are no words to describe Your Mercy You are just so Divine…

My dream is for this Ummah to unite upon truth hand in hand
Just seems never ending the corruption in Islam (some Muslims)…

I dream of one day washing up on a Muslim land
Rushing with the believers to worship You as we hear the Adhaan…

I pray I find a righteous man who’s main goal is to gain Your Pleasure
One who will practice Sabr through any obstacle, remembering that Your Reward even beats finding water in a dry desert…

O Allah! I Love You so
Since the day You guided me to You many friends have become foe…

It is to please You that my heart strives for
Even after You roll up the heavens and death comes knocking on every door!!!!

 – Umm Alimaia

Words Worthy of Golden Ink

It was narrated upon Shaqeeq al-Balkhi (rahimahullah) that he said to Hatim:
“You have accompanied me for a while so what have you learnt from me?”

He said: “I have learnt from you 8 things:

Firstly: I looked at the creation and found that every person has something which is beloved to him and when he reaches his grave this beloved thing is cut off from him. So I have made my beloved, my good deeds so that it will remain with me in the grave.

Secondly:  I looked at the saying of Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala):

“And as for him who feared standing before his Lord, and restrained himself from impure evil desires and lusts”

So I strove against my soul defending it from desires until it settled upon obedience to Allah.

Thirdly: I saw that everyone who has something precious safeguards it (with much care), so then I looked at the saying of Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala):

“And that which you have will perish and that which is with Allah will remain”

So whenever I came across something which I found to be precious I directed it to Him so that it will remain with Him for me.

Fourthly: I saw that the people were depending upon their wealth, nobility and dignity, which are all nothing (in reality) so I looked at the saying of Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala):

“Indeed the most honorable of you in the sight of Allah are those who are most pious amongst you”

So I proceeded upon taqwa in order to gain an honorable standing with him (subhaanahu wa ta’aala).

Fifthly: I saw the people being jealous of each other so I looked at the saying of Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala):

“We have divided between them their livelihood”

So I abandoned jealousy because it is in opposition to the destiny of Allah.

Sixthly: I saw them having enmity between themselves so I looked at the saying of Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala):

“Indeed the Satan is an enemy for you so take him as your enemy”

So I abandoned this enmity and took the shaytaan as my sole enemy.

Seventhly: I saw them resorting to shameful measures in search for provision so I looked at the saying of Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala):

“And there is not a creature on the Earth except that Allah provides for it”.

So I engaged myself (in establishing) His rights that He (subhaanahu wa ta’aala) has over me and entrusted what is mine, with him, in assurance of his promise.

Eighthly: I saw them relying (solely) upon their trade and products and strong healthy bodies but I put my trust in Allah the lord of the worlds.

Source: Sahab.Net
(Translated by Abu Obeid, jazzahullaahu khairan)

Taken from: http://www.salafitalk.net/st/viewmessages.cfm?Forum=11&Topic=2291

The Importance of Tawheed

A brief article with 17 points on the benefits and virtues of Tawheed.

1. It is the pillar upon which Islam is built. The Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: “Islam is built upon five: The Tawheed of Allah… (Related by Muslim no. 19)

2. The greatest need for mankind, since there is no life for the hearts nor delight nor tranquility except through knowing their Lord, the one to be worshiped, the creator.

3. It is the most noble branch of knowledge. As Imam Abu Hanifa mentioned, when he called his book which he compiled concerning the Usool ud Deen (fundamentals of the religion) “Fiqh al Akbar” (The greatest Fiqh)

4. It was the key and essence of the call of the messengers “Verily we have sent to every nation a messenger saying worship Allah and avoid the worship of false gods” (16:36)

5. Because Allah has created us to worship Him, “I have not created the Jin and mankind but to worship me” then how can we worship Allah, if we don’t know who He is? It is only through knowledge of His names and attributes we can learn about Allah.

6. Firmness upon the Deen, excellence in this world and salvation in the Hereafter is built upon this.
A) Because when you know Allah, His names, attributes and actions this necessitates loving Him, fearing Him, placing reliance upon Him etc.
B) When you know what Allah loves and is pleased with or angered and displeased with, you will rush to fulfill what He loves and avoid what He hates.

7. Its great emphasis in the Qur’an. The Qur’an begins with Tawheed (al Fatihah) and ends with Tawheed (al Ikhlas) likewise the greatest Ayat in the Qur’an describes Tawheed (of knowledge)

8. The Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) began his day with Tawheed by reciting Surah al Kafiroon and Ikhlas in the Sunan of Fajr and end with reciting these two Surahs in the Witr prayer. (related by Muslim)

9. The Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) mentioned it during his last illness (shows its importance) when he said “The curse of Allah be upon the Jews and the Christians for they took the graves of their prophets as places of worship.” (Bukhari)

10. It’s the first thing the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) invited to and preached to for thirteen years. “Say, none has the right to be worshiped and thus be successful.” (Ahmad 4/63)

11. And he ordered his companions to preach Tawheed when sending them to various communities. He (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) sent Muadh ibn Jabal to Yemen saying “Indeed you are going to the people of the book so let the first thing that you invite them to be the Tawheed of Allah” (Bukhari 1/13)

12. You have to compromise the three aspects together and not just believe in one, merely with the meaning “The one who has the power to create and originate” as the Arab Mushriks used to agree that Allah alone is the creator of everything, despite this they were still Mushriks. Plus this was not the true reality which Allah sent the messengers with. But rather we must believe in his Ruboobiyah, Uloohiyah and Asma was Sifaat together.

13. When you believe in the three aspects of Tawheed. i.e Ruboobiyah – You will negate any source of harm, blessing, power from any other than Allah. Uloohiyah – This will stop you from committing shirk. Asma was Sifaat – To have the correct knowledge of this will prevent you from distorting any of Allah’s names and attributes, or explaining them, or denying them or asking how they are.

14. If a person dies upon this he will enter Paradise. When the Jewish boy accepted Islam, the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said, “All praise is for Allah who saved this boy from the fire.” Although this person had no good deeds. (Bukhari)

15. Tawheed is a condition for an action to be accepted, because for a deed to be accepted it requires 2 conditions.
A) The intention is purely for Allah (Tawheed al Ibaadah)
B) It must be in accordance with the Shariah of Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi wasallam)

16. It strengthens ones heart and makes one firmer and well rooted. Then as a result ones deeds will multiply and likewise his worship of Allah will be greater.

17. It makes it easier to fulfill the commands of Allah and leave the prohibitions as Aaisha said: “Had the first revelation been do not drink and fornicate or commit adultery etc. they would have said we shall not give up adultery and fornication etc.” (Bukhari from Yusuf ibn Maalik)

For it was only after Tawheed was understood by the companions and had settled in their hearts that Allah began to order them with various commands.

The Righteous Wife

It is a duty upon all of us to fulfill our roles to the best of our ability in order to attain success in this life and for the Hereafter. The following are just a few hadeeth of the blessed Prophet Muhammad (peace and prayers be upon him), highlighting the position of women in their household, and the duty upon them in serving their husbands with regard to his rights upon her. Inshallah, with the correct intention in mind, fulfillment of this role and the striving to perfect her character according to the Quraan, Sunnnah, and the way of the Pious Predecessors, it will only cause her to attain the pleasure of her Creator, and bring her closer to attaining Jannah.

The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him said):

“Every soul from the children of Aadam is a master; so the man is the master of his family, and the woman is the mistress of her household.”

“If I were to order anyone to prostrate to other than Allah, I would have ordered the woman to prostrate to her husband. By Him in whose Hand is the soul of Muhammad, the woman will not fulfill the rights of her Lord until she fulfills the rights of her husband; and even if he were to request her for himself (i.e. to have sexual intercourse with her) whilst she was sitting upon a camel’s saddle, she should not refuse him”.

“It is not right that any human being should prostrate to another being, and if it were right for a human being to prostrate to another human being I would have ordered the woman to prostrate to her husband due to the greatness of his right upon her. By Him in whose Hand is my soul, if from the crown of his head there was a wound pouring forth pus, and she (the wife) came and licked that, then she would (still) not have fulfilled his right.”

“If the woman knew the right of the husband, she would not sit when his morning and evening meals were presented until he finished.”

“If a woman prays her five daily prayers, fasts her month (i.e. Ramadaan), guards her private parts, and obeys her husband, it will be said to her, ‘Enter Paradise through whichever of the gates of Paradise you wish.”

“Indeed he (i.e. the husband) is your Paradise and your Fire”

When asked “Which of the women is best?” The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “The one who gives him pleasure when he looks; obeys him when he orders; and does not go against his wishes with regard to herself or her wealth by doing that which he dislikes.”

“Your women from the people of paradise are the beloved and fertile, the one who is an asset to her husband, who if her husband becomes angry – comes and places her hand in the hand of her husband and says, ‘I will not taste sleep until you are pleased (with me).'”

“I was shown the Fire and found that the majority of its inhabitants were women, due to ingratitude.” It was said: “Is it that they disbelieve in Allaah ?” He said “They are ungrateful to their husbands and deny the good they do. If you were to treat one of them well always, and she then saw something (displeasing) from you she would say: ‘I have never seen any good from you.'”

Source: “Sifaat Zawjatus Saalihah”
(The Righteous Wife) by Muhammad Shooman, trans. by Aboo Talha Dawood ibn Ronald Burbank, (1996).

The Honeymoon should be Continuous – Sheikh Uthaymeen

Sheikh Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy upon him) said:

Some of the people say that it is possible to take from the statement of the messenger of Allah (peace and blessings are upon him), “so that you can taste his honey and he can taste your honey”, that we can take what is called a honeymoon so is this correct?

[Translator’s Footnote: Originally “honeymoon” simply described the period just after the wedding when things are at their sweetest; it is assumed to wane in a month. (Wikipedia)]

Yes this is correct. But the honey is not just for a month if you remain with the woman; rather the honey will be continuous not just for a month.

As for traveling during this month to lands that are not befitting to be traveled to then this is a waste of money. And then we hear about some of the people who travel to outside countries and they go to swimming pools, night clubs, and theaters, and his wife is uncovered, revealing her head, chest and arms, and so on and so forth; and with Allah refuge is sought.

This only occurs from someone who has changed the favor of Allah into ingratitude; rather the reward for this blessing is for the person to increase in thanking Allah and to live with his family in a good manner.

But what is the ruling on the one who says, ‘instead of this I will go with my wife to Umrah, (for the honeymoon)?

We say this is good, but it is not good. Because it is obvious that the origin of this is taken from the non Muslims; we did not know of this during the time of the previous scholars or during the time of the pious predecessors and none of the people of knowledge spoke about doing this, therefore this has been obtained from the non Muslims; this is one angle.

From another angle, I fear that if a long time passes by and the people are making marriage a legitimate reason for making Umrah then it will be said, it is the Sunnah for everyone who gets married to make Umrah. Therefore we would have invented for an act of worship, a reason that has not been legislated, and this is a problem. Because if a long time passes the condition of the people will change and they will forget the beginning.

For this reason we say, have the honeymoon in your room, in your home and make the honeymoon forever not one month; and the praises belong to Allah for well-being.

Translated by Rasheed Barbee

Ten Points of Advice for the Newly Practicing

Shaykh ‘Alee al-Haddaadee

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As Salaamu ‘Alaykum wa Rahmatullaahi wa Barakaatahu, to proceed:

Congratulations on being granted the great success of repenting to Allah and returning to Him, for indeed this is truly a great blessing, a great gift that few are given, and a lot are prohibited from. I ask Allaah that He allows all of us return to Him in repentance and dependence.

My noble brother, the well known contemporary term ‘Iltizaam’ [adherence to/ practice of the Sunnah] is not known from the Book of Allaah, the Sunnah, or the statements of the Salaf. This is why instead of using it, I will use the legislated term [i.e. guidance] which is more suitable as well as having a better meaning.

Indeed being guided to uprightness with its understanding today – that a person who was deficient in the rights of his Lord, a person who was neglectful of a lot of obligations, one who used to practice a lot of evil and sinning; such as shaving his beard, allowing his garments to drop lower than his ankles, smoking, listening to music, forsaking the prayer in congregation and maybe even forsaking prayers altogether or just some prayers. So when he ‘Ilatazam’ – adheres/practices, he shortens his garments, grows his beard, prays in congregation and prays the Sunnah prayers and accompanies those who are on this same path.

There is no doubt that being granted success to follow the prophetic guidance in clothing and conduct and preserving the prayer are from the greatest of blessings from our Lord to His servant, however;

There are some affairs of tremendous importance that a lot of people are heedless of, this is why I will take this opportunity to draw your attention to them, so that your uprightness is upon what your Lord loves and is pleased with.

Uprightness must be upon what Allah ordered His servants as He the Elevated said:

{So be upright as you were ordered}

Based upon this, you must have knowledge of what Allaah and His Messenger – صلى الله عليه وسلم – ordered you with so that you may be steadfast upon that. This means that you must study your religion and gain knowledge its rulings: “Whoever Allah wants good for, He would grant him knowledge and understanding of His religion.”

1. The greatest affair that Allah has obligated upon you is monotheism, that you single him out with all forms of worship, such as Du’aa, Isti’aadha, Istighaathah, Rajaa, Tawakkul, Dhabh, Nadhr and other forms of worship whether they are physical or spiritual, whether they are actions or speech.

Monotheism has a lot of branches, so it is imperative that you give it a lot of attention by learning and understanding it. One of the best books authored concerning Monotheism is Kitaab at Tawheed by Shaykhul Islaam Muhammad ibn ‘Abdul Wahhaab, may Allaah have mercy upon him.

The greatest thing that Allah has prohibited you from, is associating partners with Him, by presenting some worship to other than Him. Whoever presents worship to other than Allah, whether it be a king, messenger or others lesser than them, this person would be removed from the fold of Islam, and whoever meets his Lord in such a state would have met Him with the greatest of sins that would never be forgiven, and from Allah alone do we seek refuge.

{Indeed Allah does not forgive that partners are be set up with Him (in worship), but He forgives other than that (anything else) to whom He wills.}

2. Know that Shirk continues to be wide spread in Muslim countries due to the lack of caution against it, and the great numbers of callers towards it, and those who spread it, and with Allah is assistance sought.

3. Remember that this Ummah will split into seventy three sects, all in the hell fire except one, as was authentically reported from the Prophet – صلى الله عليه وسلم -. So be keen on being with the saved sect, and know that all sects claim to be the saved one, and all of them use verses from the Quran as evidence for their group. But the true saved sect is the one that adheres to the Qur-aan, the Sunnah and the methodology of the Sahabah may Allaah be pleased with them. This is because the Prophet – صلى الله عليه وسلم – described the saved sect as “those who are upon what I and my companions are upon.” So this is the gauge that would clear up the anguish of confusion and uncertainty for you with regards to the different opposing views.

4. You will hear some practicing youth criticizing the rulers, busying themselves with their faults and turning people against them, especially the Saudi rulers – may Allah grant them success. Know that this is evil, and leads to detrimental consequences. There are a lot of statements from the Prophet, the sayings of the Sahabah, the righteous predecessors and Rabaanee scholars about this; amongst them, the noble Shaykh ‘Abdul ‘Azeez ibn baz and Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saaleh al ‘Uthaymeen and many others.

5. You will hear some practicing youth criticizing the major scholars, claiming that they are:

• scholars of the rulers,
• or scholars who remain silent concerning the truth to appease others,
• or scholars who do not speak and stand firm by the truth,
• or scholars who do not speak about major contemporary affairs that are important to the Ummah…

and other such descriptions that repel people from them.

6. Know that this is from the greatest of evil; the scholars are not to be mentioned except with goodness. Criticizing them only serves to repel people from them and the knowledge that they possess, and a lot of evil would take place as a result. The Ummah cannot do without the scholars concerning knowledge of their religion, if the scholars are disliked, then the ignorant would lead and cause great mischief.

7. [Deliberately omitted until feedback is received from the Shaykh – may Allah preserve him. ]

8. You will find a lot of audio tapes out there; some about storytelling, others with Nasheed that are called ‘Islamic Nasheed’, other audios that speak about interpreting dreams. You will find video files with ‘Islamic plays’ and ‘Islamic films/movies’. All of this is not from the guidance of the Salaf as Saleh, rather they rebuked and criticized this severely. They permitted the listening of poems that are free of prohibitions – which are plentiful (i.e. permissible poems). Amongst the prohibitions is that they do not have a tune like that of songs.

9. There are many ‘Da’wah groups/organizations’ out there, amongst them are Sufee groups that propagate ignorance amongst the Muslims. They would take an ignorant person and tour the globe with him for days, weeks or months calling to Allah as they claim, while this person knows nothing of the religion.

You will find other incendiary political groups that are the inheritors of the Khawaarij and their followers. They cultivate the youth secretly; in private gatherings in the countryside and other places. Each group has a leader and cultivator who teaches them and gives them commands and prohibitions. He rewards those who obey him and punishes those who disobey. These groups isolate their members from their families and from their society, especially while they are young, during their adolescent years, so that they may mold them and direct them in whichever way they want. Beware of these groups and be upright upon your religion, be obedient to your parents and family, establish your prayers, worship your Lord, seek knowledge, be obedient to your rulers in good. Beware of every shady gathering that is shrouded in secrecy, and outings that are not accepted by common sense.

10. I advise you to give your attention to the major scholars of this Ummah, such as;

• The Grand Mufti of Saudi Arabia

• Al ‘Allaamah ‘Abdullaah al Ghudayaan (rahimahullaah Ta’aala),

• Al ‘Allaamah Saaleh al Luhaydaan,

• Al ‘Allaamah Saaleh ibn Fawzaan al Fawzaan

and their likes from the scholars of Ahlus Sunnah.

Beware of ideological tapes that are propagated by a lot of those who are known as ‘the Du’aat of revival’, those who increasingly delve into political and ideological affairs with the claim of ‘Fiqh al Waaqi’. There is barely any knowledge in them while they consist of a great deal of harm.

In conclusion:

I ask Allah to grant both me and you success and steadfastness, guidance to the path of truth and correctness, just as I ask Him to grant the rulers of the Muslims success in achieving what He loves and is pleased with, that He grants ‘Izz to Islaam and the Muslims, and to abase polytheism and polytheists, that He grants victory the Sunnah and raises its light, and that He quenches innovation, its people and the callers to it, indeed He hears all and responds to all.

Was Salaamu ‘Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakaatahu.

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Translator: Abu Abdul-Waahid, Nadir Ahmad – The needful of his Lord’s forgiveness
http://www.haddady.com/ra_page_views.php?id=224

Compatibility Between Souls

Ibn Qayyim al-Jawziyyah (rahimahullah) in which he explains the motives and causes of love, and how these very among people.

He (rahimahullah) says:

“Compatibility between souls is one of the strongest causes of love. Every person is attracted towards that which is compatible with him, and this compatibility is of two types: original compatibility which is ingrained in the essence and that which comes later because of living together or having something in common.

If your aims match his aims, there will be harmony between your soul and his, but if the aims are different, then harmony will no longer exist.

As for original compatibility, it is a kind of similarity in attitude and similarity of souls. Each soul longs for other souls that are similar to it, because what is similar to something is naturally attracted to it, so the two souls may be similar in original creation, thus there will be a natural attraction to one another.

This is what made some people say that love is not only caused by physical beauty, and the lack of physical beauty does not mean that there can be no love; rather it is similarity between souls and similarity in their characteristics which are created in them that matter.

The reality of love is that it is like a mirror in which the lover sees his characteristics and kindness in the image of the one he loves, so in reality he loves nothing but himself and his characteristics and the one who has similar characteristics.

Hence noble, pure and sublime souls love the characteristics of perfection in particular, so the dearest things to them are knowledge, bravery, dignity, generosity, kindness, patience and steadfastness, because these characteristics are compatible with the essence of these souls, unlike base and mean souls, which are far away from loving these characteristics. Many people are motivated to be generous and kind because of their extreme love for these characteristics and the pleasure they find in doing these things, to such an extent that al-Ma’moon said: Forgiveness was made so dear to me that I am afraid that I will not be rewarded for it. And it was said to Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal (may Allaah have mercy on him): Did you acquire this knowledge for the sake of Allaah? He said: To do something for the sake of Allaah is very rare, but it was something made dear to me, so I did it. Someone else said: I rejoice in giving and enjoy it far more than the one who takes from me rejoices in what he takes.

With regard to the lovers of knowledge, their love for knowledge is greater than the love of anyone else or anything else. Many of them will not be distracted from it by the most beautiful of human images.

Our Shaykh – meaning Ibn Taymiyah – told me: “I felt sick and the doctor said to me: Your reading and discussing issues of knowledge is making your sickness worse. I said to him: I cannot stay away from that, and I shall discuss the issue on the basis of your (medical) knowledge. Is it not the case that when the soul feels joy, this gives strength to the body and wards off disease? He said yes. I said: Then my soul feels happy with knowledge and thus my body becomes stronger and this helps me to recover. He said: This is not part of our treatment, or words to that effect.”

If the love relationship is based on similarity and harmony, then it will be reinforced and become stronger, and nothing could remove it except something stronger than the cause of it, and if it is not based on similarity and harmony, then it is no more than love for a reason, which will disappear when the reason disappears.

Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal (may Allaah have mercy on him) narrated in his Musnad the hadeeth of ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her): A woman used to go to Quraysh and make them laugh. She came to Madeenah and stayed with a woman who also made people laugh. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said: With whom is So and so staying? She said: With So and so, who makes people laugh. He said: “Souls are like conscripted soldiers; those whom they recognize, they get along with, and those whom they do not recognize, they will not get along with.” The original version of this hadeeth is in al-Saheeh.

If you look at creation, you will hardly find any two people who love one another except that there is some similarity between them or they have something in common with regard to deeds, characteristics or goals. If the goals, characteristics, deeds or ways differ, there can only be aversion and distance between their hearts. It is sufficient to note the saheeh hadeeth from the Messenger of Allaah (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him): “The believers, in their mutual mercy, love and compassion, are like a (single) body; if one part of it feels pain, the rest of the body will join it in staying awake and suffering fever.”

Excerpted from: Rawdat Al-Muhibbeen wa Nuzhat Al-Mushtaaqeen by Ibn Al-Qayyim Al-Jawziyyah pgs. 66-74 | Translated by Al-Sayyed Al-Jamili | Published by Dar Al Kitab Al Araby

Special Characteristics of the Salafee Woman

Imaam Muqbil Ibn Haadee al-Waadi’ee (d.1421H)

[1]: She holds fast to the Book of Allaah and the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam), within the limits of her capability, upon the understanding of the Salafus-Saalih.

[2]: And it is also befitting for her to deal with the Muslims in a fine manner. Rather, even with the disbelievers. So Allaah the Mighty and Majestic says in his Noble Book,

“And speak to people good words…” [Sooratul-Baqarah 2:83]

And He says,

“Indeed, Allaah commands you to render trusts to whom they are due.” [Sooratun-Nisaa‘ 4:5]

And He also says,

“And when you testify, then be just.” [Sooratul-An’aam 6:152]

And Allaah the Glorified and Exalted said,

“O you who have believed, be persistently standing firm in justice, witnesses for Allaah, even if it be against yourselves or parents and relatives. Whether one is rich or poor, Allaah is more worthy of both. So follow not personal inclination, lest you not be just. And if you distort your testimony or refuse to give it, then indeed Allaah is ever, with what you do, Acquainted.” [Sooratun-Nisaa‘ 4:135]

[3]: Likewise, it is obligatory upon her to maintain the Islaamic dress. And she must distance herself from the enemies of Islaam. Imaam Ahmad (d.241H) relates in his Musnad from the hadeeth of ’Abdullaah Ibn ’Umar (radiyallaahu ’anhumaa) who said, ‘The Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said, ‘Whosoever resembles a people, then he is from them.” [1]

And Allaah, the Lord of Might, says concerning the affair of the dress,

“O Prophet, tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to bring down over themselves part of their outer garments. That is more suitable that they will be known and not be abused.” [Sooratul-Ahzaab 33:59]

And at-Tirmidhee (d.274H) relates in his Jaami’ from the hadeeth of ’Abdullaah Ibn Mas’ood (radiyallaahu ’anhu) who said, ‘The Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said, ‘The woman in an ’awrah (whatever is required to be covered). So when she goes out, the Shaytaan looks out for her.” [2]

[4]: And we advise her to treat her husband well if she desires a felicitous life. So the Prophet (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said, “When a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, the Angels curse her.” [3] The hadeeth is agreed upon. And there occurs in Saheeh Muslim, “…except that the One who is above the heavens is angry with her.” [4]

[5]: Likewise, she must also carry out the upbringing of her children with an Islaamic upbringing. So al-Bukhaaree (d.256H) and Muslim (d.261H) relate in their Saheehs from the hadeeth of ’Abdullaah Ibn ’Umar (radiyallaahu ’anhumaa) who said, ‘The Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said, ‘Each of you is a shepherd and each of you will be questioned about his herd.” [5] And he mentioned that the woman is, “a guardian over the household of her husband and she will be questioned about her flock.” [6]

And there occurs in the Saheehayn (i.e. al-Bukhaaree and Muslim) from the hadeeth of Ma’qil Ibn Yasaar (radiyallaahu ’anhu) who said, ‘The Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said, ‘There is no shepherd whom Allaah has entrusted with a flock and then he does not sincerely render his trust, except that he will not find the fragrance of Paradise.” [7] So it is not permissible to pre-occupy her with the da’wah over the upbringing of her children.

[6]: Likewise, it is befitting for her to be pleased with whatever Allaah has judged from the excellence of the man over the woman. Allaah the Glorified and Exalted said,

“And do not wish for that by which Allaah has made some of you exceed others.” [Sooratun-Nisaa‘ 4:32]

And Allaah the Glorified and Exalted says,

“Men are in charge of women by right of what Allaah has given one over the other and what they spend for maintenance from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in the husband’s absence what Allaah would have them guard. But those wives from whom you fear arrogance – first advise them; then if they persist, forsake them in bed; and finally, strike them. But if they obey you once more, seek no means against them.” [Sooratun-Nisaa‘ 4:34]

And there occurs in the Saheehayn from the hadeeth of Abee Hurayrah (radiyallaahu ’anhu) who said, ‘The Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said, ‘Treat women kindly, for woman was created from a bent rib, and the most crooked part of the rib is the top part. So if you should try to straighten it, it will break, but if you leave it as it is, it will remain crooked.” [8] So it is befitting for the woman that she remain patient upon whatever Allaah has decreed for her in terms of the man’s excellence over her. And this does not mean that she must be enslaved to him. The Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said, as occurs in the Jaami’ of at-Tirmidhee, “Treat the women kindly, since they are only wards amongst you. They do not have anything else over you. Indeed, you wives have a right over you. Indeed, you have a right over them. So your right over them is that they do not allow those whom you detest to trample your bed and that they do not allow into your household those whom you detest. And your right over them is that you treat them kindly with regards to their food and their clothing.” [9] And their occurs in the Sunan and in the Musnad of Imaam Ahmad (d.241H) from the hadeeth of Mu’aawiyah Ibn Haydah, that a man said, “O Messenger of Allaah! What is the right that our wives have over us?” He replied, “That you feed them whenever you eat and that you clothe them with whatever clothes you have an do not strike them in the face and that you do not rebuke them and that you do not separate from them, except within the house.” [10]

So what was it, may Allaah bless you? So it is befitting that all of us co-operate upon goodness. The man must deal with his wife in an Islaamic manner and he must aid her in seeking knowledge and he must aid her in calling to Allaah. And the woman must deal with her husband in an Islaamic manner and she must aid him in knowledge and in calling to Allaah and in good upkeep of the household. So Allaah the Mighty and Majestic says,

“And co-operate upon righteousness and piety and do no co-operate upon sin and transgression.” [Sooratul-Maa‘idah 5:2]

And Allaah is the One from whom aid is sought. [11]

Endnotes:
[1]: Saheeh: Related by Aboo Daawood (no. 4031), Ahmad in al-Musnad (no. 5093). It was authenticated by al-Albaanee in Ghaayatul-Maraam (no. 109).
[2]: Saheeh: Related by at-Tirmidhee (no. 1173). It was authenticated by al-Albaanee in Saheehut-Tirmidhee (no. 936).
[3]: Related by al-Bukhaaree (no. 4897), Muslim (no. 2596), Aboo Daawood (no. 2141) and Ahmad in al-Musnad (no. 9379)
[4]: Related by Muslim (no. 2595).
[5]: Related by al-Bukhaaree (no. 853), Muslim (no. 1829), Aboo Daawood (no. 2928), at-Tirmidhee (no. 1705) and Ahmad in al-Musnad (no. 5145).
[6]: Related by al-Bukharee (no. 2419) Muslim (no. 3408) and Ahmad in al-Musnad (no. 5990).
[7]: Related by al-Bukhaaree (no. 6646), Muslim (no. 142) and ad-Daarimee in his Sunan (no. 2796).
[8]: Related by al-Bukhaaree (no. 4890) and Muslim (no. 1468).
[9]: Hasan: Related by Ibn Maajah (no. 1851) and at-Tirmidhee (no. 1163). It was authenticated by al-Albaanee in Saheehut-Tirmidhee (no. 929).
[10]: Saheeh: Related by Aboo Daawood (no. 2142) and Ahmad in al-Musnad (no. 19509). It was authenticated by al-Albaanee in Ghaayatul-Maraam (no. 244).
[11]: Taken from Majmoo’ul-Fataawaa an-Nisaa‘iyyah of Muqbil Ibn Haadee.

Translation by Maaz Qureshi