Archive for August, 2013

Being an Obedient Wife

Posted: August 29, 2013 in Uncategorized

If you were to ponder you would realise that the reward for good (i.e. you obeying your husband) is nothing but good (i.e., he will in return treat you good). So your obedience towards your husband leads to him being obedient to you in those things that you seek from him, because indeed a pure soul is accustomed to responding to good with good…

So it is incumbent upon you to obey your husband in al-ma’roof. And that which is apparent from the meaning of obedience is to act upon a command and to abstain from a prohibition. You should become as close to him as possible, by seeking to satisfy his wants and needs at all times.

Don’t wait for him to give you a command or to prohibit you from something.

Rather reflect on your days spent with him and on the things he loves and hates, and be quick to carry these things out. Let your actions precede his command and prohibition. For indeed this is a sign of your cleverness and dignity that you hasten towards good before he even commands it of you.

In addition to that, this obedience is something you have to be committed to and firm upon at all times. So if he were to command you with one thing or prohibit you from another thing, then do not wait for him to command you with the same thing each and every time. It is looked down upon by men of intellect that a man has to constantly reprimand his wife saying, do this and don’t do that.

If you know from your husband’s personality that he likes or dislikes a thing, don’t wait for him to command you and prohibit you, because this is from the things that lead to a husband becoming bored with his wife.

[Taken from “20 PIECES OF ADVICE to my sister before her MARRIAGE”, p. 26-27 – By Shaykh Badr bin Ali Al-Utaybee (hafidhaullaah)]

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(Taken from the book “20 PIECES OF ADVICE to my sister before MARRIAGE” By the noble Scholar Badr bin Ali Al-Utaybee).

Ibn Hibban narrated in his work Nazahti Al-Fadlaa the advice of Al-Khattaab bin Mu’laa Al-Makhzoomee to his son. At the end of his words he mentioned the following: “Know that women vary more than the fingers of your hand. So be cautious in dealing with them.”

Every Evil Women will inevitably harm you:

THE FIRST TYPE:

  • The woman who is amazed with herself and belittles her husband (27).
  • If he honors her she sees it not except as a result of her virtue over him (28).
  • She shows no gratitude for his courtesy. In her eyes he always falls short.
  • She lashes her tongue out at him like a sharp sword.
  • Her imprudence has removed the cover of shyness from her face: she is not shy from exposing her faults even when in front of the neighbors (29).
  • She is like a growling dog with rabies, barking and biting.
  • Her husband’s face is sad (30), and his honor is violated with the people.
  • She over burdens him with her bad etiquette’s and does not tend to his worldly or religious affairs.
  • Nor does she uphold her duties towards him in spite of his companionship and the many children they may share;
  • she doesn’t recognize any good that he does.
  • His covering is revealed and made public. All the good that he does is buried (31).
  • He reaches the morning dispirited and enters the evening reprimanding her (32).
  • His drink is sour. His food is rage. His children are wasted and his house is destroyed (33).
  • His clothes is filthy and hair dishevel. If he laughs he is worn down (34), and if he speaks he feels sickened. His day is night; his night is misery (35).
  • She bites him like a vicious snake, and stings like a scorpion.

THE SECOND TYPE:

  • From amongst them are: The Shafsha’leeq (The relaxed and lazy woman), Sha’sha (The tall woman), Salfa’a (The blatantly ill-mannered woman), possessor of saturated poison (36), a spark of light yet worn out, she moves with the wind and flies with everyone who has wings (37).
  • If her husband says “No” she says “Yes,” If he says “Yes” she says “No.”(38).
  • She is born to disgrace him. She looks down at the good he has done for her (39), and belittles him by comparing him to other men.
  • She moves him from one state to another, to the point that his home has become insignificant to him and his children have become a source of boredom.
  • His life festers and he looks down upon himself. His brothers criticize him and his neighbors have mercy on him (40).

THE THIRD TYPE:

  • Al-Warhaa (A foolish woman),(41),
  • flirtatious when not appropriate, speaks with a slur, and indulges herself in that which does not concern her (42).
  • She’s content with her love, takes pleasure in his wealth (43), and eats like a grazing donkey.
  • The sun has risen and he has yet to hear a word from her (44); her food is stale; her pots are stained; her baking dough is sour, her cooking water is lukewarm (45), plants can grow in her belongings (46), she doesn’t engage in the slightest of good deeds (47). She beats her servants and enrages her neighbors (48).

THE FORTH TYPE:

  • Is the loving and affectionate woman, blessed child-bearing, can be trusted while she’s alone, loved by her neighbors, praiseworthy when in open or private, generous and kind in her marital dealings.
  • Many virtues, she speaks softly (49), she keeps a clean house, her servants is well fed (50); her son is well kept (51),
  • She is continuous in doing good deeds; her husband is well pleased.
  • She’s a tender and affectionate lover. She is described by having chastity and doing much good.
  • May Allah make you, Oh sister, from amongst those who follow the guidance and have taqwa, avoid Allah’s Anger and is pleased with his Pleasure!

This is the completion of his advice in which contains an important message of the praiseworthy and blameworthy descriptions of women.

FOOTNOTES:

(27). Meaning she’s arrogant, and constantly looks down upon her husband, either because of his intelligence, his tribe, his wealth, his credentials etc.

(28). She does not thank him, but because of her intense arrogance, she think everything he does for her is because of her lofty status over him.

(29). Meaning she speaks to him with a very inappropriate loud and boisterous voice, to the point that it reaches outside the home. Her manners don’t encourage her to lower her voice; rather, she raises it, and is not shy in front of the neighbors or guests.

(30). I have mentioned in different places: a woman’s behavior appears on her husband’s face, especially when guest comes over the house. So whoever is happy with the arrival of guests, providing them with the best of hospitality: delicious food and drink, a warm welcome, and the husband’s face is happy as well, then his wife is happier and more excited about her husband’s guests. On the other hand, whoever’s face is sad, the food and drink are not well prepared, the dishes are filthy, and he is lazy at honoring his guests, then know for sure that behind him is a woman who feels even more burdened by the presence of the guests.

(31). She mentions his faults in front of the women, belittle him. Regardless of how much he does for her, she conceals it in front of the people, not recognizing his deeds in front of him or in front of others.

(32). He wakes up sad, because of the previous night that has passed with this condescending woman, and in the evening he goes to sleep in a state of quarrel, from a day of catastrophe with her.

(33). Meaning from her intense arrogance, she doesn’t even concern herself with the children or the belongings of the home. Her son is a wreck and the house as well, all due to her neglectfulness and lack of support and generosity.

(34). Meaning from the intense sadness of his life, when he laughs the signs of regret and remorse appear on his face, with the feeling of failure. It is even difficult for him to speak, due to sever discouragement. We seek refuge in Allah from this state.

(35). Meaning his day is night, due to the problems he deals with, and his night is misery from her as well. There is no might and no power except with Allah.

(36). Ash-Shafsha ‘Ieeq: The relaxed and lazy woman. Ash-Sha’sha: the tall woman. As-Salfa: the blatantly ill-mannared woman. The intent behind all of this is to show the extent of her poor manners and nature.

(37). All of these characteristics indicate that she is not firm on an opinion. She acts based on the opinions of others, going to bed with a view and waking up with another position. Her husband doesn’t know her mood, and she is not firm on a particular way.

(38). This is due to her arrogance and stubborn nature, causing her to be happy with opposing his command and not obeying his order.

(39). She is the cause of this humiliation, and belittles every good deed he does for her.

(40). She is the cause of his somberness, causing him to begin to hate his house, he is bored with his children, dislikes his marital life, and does not even tend to himself, to the point that his neighbors and family begin to pity him.

(41). Al-Warhaa’: The foolish woman. This word originates from describing the clouds, when they are full of rain. This type of woman is affectionate at the wrong time, until it reaches negligence.

(42). She speaks as if she was chewing her tongue, and to make matters worse, she involves herself in matters that do not concern her.

(43). From her sluggishness: Her only goal is that her husband loves her without putting forth any effort of service that will help her gain his love.

(44). As an indication of her laziness, the sun rises and she is still asleep, no sound from her. Her house has not been vacuumed or organized. How abundant is this type! Also, this point shows us the characteristic of the complete wife, which would be the opposite of this type. The complete wife is active at the beginning of the morning, cleaning and beautifying the home.

(45). From her laziness is that, when she serves food to her husband or guest, it is stale, not freshly cooked. Likewise, the dishes are stained with old food particles and grease. And her cooking is so bad that the dough has become acidic due to fermenting for a long period of time. All of this is from her laziness. Similarly, the cooking water is lukewarm, not well boiled.

(46). This is from the things that make you laugh and cry. Describing this wife’s extreme laziness, her belongings have gone so long without reorganization or cleaning that dirt had build up on them to the point that it is like earth where plants can grow. It is critical that the wife avoids this; rather she should be keen on cleaning, organizing, and rearranging every part of the home.

(47). Meaning she is not socially interactive with her neighbors, cooperating with them, lending a helping hand, and honoring them.

(48). All of this is due to her failure in marital life, her despicable behavior. She harms her servant and earns the dislike oh her neighbor.

(49). This is the custom of well-mannered woman: Softly speaking to ones husband, out of honor and respect for him. Similarly, while dealing with the children inside the house. It has been mentioned previously those women who expose themselves by speaking loudly in front of the neighbors.

(50). Meaning: from her generosity, great service, and skillful cooking, her servant is very well fed. So what about her children and husband?; no doubt they are even more well fed.

(51). The cleanliness of the children indicates the cleanliness of the mother, so she always concerns herself with having a good hygiene, clean clothing, and above that, being clean and pure inwardly, with virtuous matters and beautiful speech.
(May Allah azza wa jal protect us from falling into these shameful characteristics, Ameen)

Trust after Betrayal

Posted: August 28, 2013 in Uncategorized

Bism Illah wa as salaamu alaykum wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh.

A reader asked for my take on how to you rebuild trust after repeated betrayals, so here it is – my own personal view.

When you have someone in your life that hurts you, commits indiscretions, or outright sins, and you come to a stage where you cannot trust them, don’t. Not trusting someone doesn’t mean you cannot live with them, enjoy time with them, love them. It simply means that you know certain of their weaknesses and cannot rely on them to overcome them. It does not mean that you don’t encourage them or support them to overcome those weaknesses though. It doesn’t mean that you give up hope and dua’ for them, either.

There is a saying, expect nothing then everything will either meet or exceed your expectations. With our loved ones we don’t want to think badly of them or expect them to do wrong, but getting over their betrayal lies in accepting their humanity and failings. Pray to Allah to keep bad feeling from your heart and replace it with understanding, mercy, and forgiveness. If you want or need to feel some kind of trust in that person, consider areas that they have always been consistent in and focus on them. However, there is no point setting yourself up for continuous disappointment or hurt by trusting them in the things they cannot be trusted with, when they haven’t conquered their qareen/shayateen/nafs.

An example I can give is in raising children. You may have a child who tells lies. You may remind the child that this is wrong and even negatively reinforce the behavior (in other words punish them). You hope that the child learns and doesn’t lie again. However, knowing the child’s character, will you be surprised if the child lies again? Disappointed, probably but surprised, no. You know that lying is the child’s weakness. There is, in my estimation, little or no difference with a spouse, parent, or friend. If one day you find that five years have passed and the child hasn’t lied, perhaps you will find that over that time your trust in them has grown. It isn’t something that needs work, it is something that happens naturally when there are no repeat offenses or they become very few and far between.

This is the direct opposite of what we are supposed to do with Allah, from Whom we expect the best because He is Perfection. My view is very simple: trust only Allah completely, not mere humans.

Taken from: http://maitotheextreme.blogspot.com/2011/03/trust-after-betrayal.html


  1. He works hard.
  2. He has a job.
  3. He’s trying hard to find a job.
  4. He’s a human jungle gym for the kids.
  5. He wants the best for our kids.
  6. He helps with the kids at bedtime.
  7. He’s passionate about our family.
  8. He’s a good leader.
  9. He’s not a whiner.
  10. I can trust his judgment.
  11. He does the right thing, even when he doesn’t want to.
  12. He tries to please me.
  13. He’s organized.
  14. He’s inventive.
  15. He loves to get his hands dirty.
  16. He’s adventurous.
  17. He’s dependable.
  18. He takes command.
  19. He can still sweet talk me.
  20. He’s a saver.
  21. He’s a spender.
  22. He rarely buys things for himself.
  23. He’s disciplined.
  24. He doesn’t swear.
  25. He doesn’t swear that much.
  26. He doesn’t swear in front of the children.
  27. He can fix anything.
  28. He knows when to call a repairman.
  29. He’s stays calm in hairy situations.
  30. He volunteers to change diapers.
  31. He can change a diaper.
  32. He’ll buy the diapers.
  33. He marvels at our children.
  34. He asks my opinion.
  35. He’s committed to our marriage.
  36. He’s realistic.
  37. He surprises me with flowers and gifts.
  38. He compliments me.
  39. He’s a good guy.
  40. He’s consistent.
  41. He helps clear the table.
  42. He thanks me at the end of most meals.
  43. He has simple tastes.
  44. I’m still attracted to him.
  45. He has a sweet smile.
  46. He doesn’t make excuses.
  47. He knows me.
  48. He chose me.
  49. He’s a great bug killer!
  50. He’ll help with laundry.
  51. He touches me in all the right ways, and in all the right places.
  52. He still wants to be physical with me.
  53. He loves me as I grow older.
  54. He wants to be a good man.
  55. He values my job as a wife and mother.
  56. He is encouraging to our kids.
  57. He reads to our children.
  58. He’s silly for our children.
  59. His eyes don’t stray.
  60. He doesn’t step out on me.
  61. He doesn’t drink.
  62. He doesn’t do drugs.
  63. He gets what’s important in life.
  64. He would do anything to keep me smiling.
  65. He would lay down his life for us.
  66. His arms are protective.
  67. He keeps our cars spotless.
  68. He pursues a relationship with Allah.
  69. Things seem to roll off his back.
  70. He tries to put up with my PMS.
  71. He’d rather be with me and the kids than anywhere else.
  72. He’s a trusted friend.
  73. He’d give a stranger the shirt off his back.
  74. He’s honest.
  75. He’s not a showoff.
  76. He’s not scatter-brained.
  77. He’s always prepared.
  78. He’s a great provider.
  79. I know we’ll never go hungry.
  80. He’s creative.
  81. He calls if he’s running late.
  82. He’s always on time.
  83. He’s happy to work behind the scenes.
  84. He makes me laugh.
  85. He has a good heart.
  86. He is honorable.
  87. He takes out the garbage.
  88. He finds the fun in life.
  89. When he makes decisions he considers the needs of our family first.
  90. He’s irresistible.
  91. He’s kind.
  92. He is willing to watch romantic movies with me.
  93. He cracks up at TV commercials.
  94. He’s respected at work.
  95. He’s a good employee.
  96. He’s a good boss.
  97. He’s a man of his word.
  98. He desires to be the best husband and father he can be.
  99. He’s a good companion.

On Husband & Wife Relationship

Posted: August 26, 2013 in Uncategorized

By getting married you are not just getting a wife, you are getting your whole world. From now until the rest of your days your wife will be your partner, your companion, and your best friend. She will share your moments, your days, and your years. She will share your joys and sorrows, your successes and failures, your dreams and your fears.

When you are ill, she will take the best care of you; when you need help, she will do all she can for you. When you have a secret, she will keep it; when you need advice, she will give you the best advice.

She will always be with you: when you wake up in the morning the first thing your eyes will see will be hers; during the day, she will be with you, if for a moment she is not with you by her physical body she will be thinking of you, praying for you with all her heart, mind and soul; when you go to sleep at night, the last thing your eyes will see will be her; and when you are asleep you will still see her in your dreams. In short, she will be your whole world and you will be her whole world.

The best description that I personally have ever read describing the closeness of the spouses to each other is the Qur’anic verse which says: “they are your garments and you are their garments” (Surah Al Baqarah 2:187).

Indeed, spouses are like garments to each other because they provide one another with the protection, the comfort, the cover, the support, and the adornment that garments provide to humans. Just imagine a journey in the winter of Alaska without garments! Our spouses provide us with the same level of comfort, protection, cover, and support in the journey of our lives on this earth as garments would do in the Alaskan journey. The relationship between the spouses is the most amazing of all human relations: the amount of love and affection, intimacy and closeness, mercy and compassion, peace and tranquillity that fills the hearts of the spouses is simply inexplicable.

The only rational explanation for these most amazing of all human feelings is that: it is an act of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala, “And Allah has made for you Mates (and Companions of your own nature …” (Surah Al Nahl 16:72)

Only our Almighty Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala in His Infinite Power, Boundless Mercy, and Great Wisdom can create and ingrain these amazing and blessed feelings in the hearts of the spouses. In fact Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala is reminding those who search for His signs in the universe that these feelings in the hearts of the spouses are among the signs that should guide humans to His existence as He says in the Qur’an, “And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect.” (Surah Al Rum 30:21)

But Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala knows that the human heart is not a static entity, it is sometimes weak and at times dynamic. Feelings can and do change with time. Love may wither and fade away. The marital bond might weaken if not properly cared for. Happiness in marriage cannot be taken for granted; continuous happiness requires constant giving from both sides. For the tree of marital love to remain alive and keep growing, the soil has to be sustained, maintained, watered and nurtured.

Remember that our Prophet Muhammad Salallaahu ‘aliahi wa’sallaam had found the time to go out to the desert and race with his wife Aisha. She out ran him but later after she had gained some weight, he out ran her. Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu ‘aliahi wa’sallaam took his wife to watch the young Ethiopians playing and dancing their folk dances. The show of emotions is necessary to keep the marital bond away from rusting and disintegrating.

Remember that you will be rewarded by Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala for any emotions you show to your wife as the Prophet Salallaahu ‘aliahi wa’sallaam said “one would be rewarded for anything that he does seeking the pleasure of Allah even the food that he puts in the mouth of his wife”.

Never underestimate the importance of seemingly little things as putting food in your wife’s mouth, opening the car’s door for her, etc. Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu ‘aliahi wa’sallaam used to extend his knee to his wife to assist her up to ride the camel. Try to always find some time for both of you to pray together. Strengthening the bond between you and Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala is the best guarantee that your own marital bond would always remain strong. Having peace with Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala will always result in having more peace at home.

Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu ‘aliahi wa’sallaam gave glad tidings for those couples who wake up at night to pray together. The Prophet Salallaahu ‘aliahi wa’sallaam even urged the spouse who rises up first to wake the other spouse up even by throwing cold water on his/her face.

Always try your best to be good to your wife by words and by deeds. Talk to her, smile to her, seek her advice, ask for her opinion, spend quality time with her and always remember that the Prophet Salallaahu ‘alaiahi wa’sallaam said “the best of you are those who are best to their wives”.

Finally, it is common that spouses vow to love and honor their spouses until death do them part. I do believe that this vow is good or even great, but not enough! It is not enough that you love your wife. You have to love what she loves as well. Her family, her loved ones must also become your loved ones. Don’t be like my colleague who was unhappy about his wife’s parents coming to visit for few weeks. He candidly said to her “I don’t like your parents” Naturally she angrily looked at him straight in the eye and said ” I don’t like yours either”.

Also, it is not enough that you love her until death do you part. Love should never end and we do believe there is life after death where those who did righteousness in this world will be joined by their spouses (Surah Al Zukhruf 43:70) and offspring’s.

The best example in this regard is the Prophet Salallaahu ‘aliahi wa’sallaam whose love for Khadija, his wife of 25 years extended to include all those she loved and continued even after her death. It was many years after her death and he never forgot her and whenever a goat was slaughtered in his house he would send portions of it to Khadija’s family and friends and whenever he felt that the visitor at the door might be Khadija’s sister Hala, he would pray “O Allah let it be Hala.”

——

Even though this article is written for men, I accepted to post it as it shows that Islam is not always advising the Muslim woman to make her husband happy but it also advises the Muslim man how to make his wife happy. Fair Enough.

The Key to Happiness

Posted: August 24, 2013 in Uncategorized

The first step towards happiness each day is Fajr prayer, so start your day with it, then you will be under the protection and care of Allah. He will protect you from all evils and guide you to all that is good. It is the first steps towards acceptance and success.

Happiness does not mean having lot of money in the bank, rather it is to be found in obeying Allah; it is not be found in wearing new clothes rather it is to be found in obeying Allah. Before we look at the thorn of the rose, look at its beauty. Before we complain about our problems, we must look at the blessings.

Put your trust in Allah, calls upon Him constantly and delegates all your affairs to Him and recite this dhikr, la hawla wa la quwwata illa billah (there is no power and no strength except with Allah). These great words are the secret of happiness and success. Beware of losing hope or becoming frustrated, for there is no hardship but it is followed by ease. Think positively of Allah and put your trust in Him, and wait for a way out.

Remember that in this world you will not get everything you want; there will always be some problems, sickness, adversity and trials. So be grateful at times of ease and patient at times of hardship.

I ask Allah to keep us safe and sound from worries and to relieve us of distress and anxiety, for He is the All-Hearing, Ever-Responsive, and He is the Ever-Living, Eternal.


Conference in Birmingham August 16-18th 2013 with:

Shaikh Muhammad al-Anjaree (live in person)
Shaikh Ahmad Suba’yee (live in person)
Allaamah Rabee’ ibn Haadee (telelink)
Allaamah Ubaid al-Jaabiree (telelink)
Shaikh Abul-Abbaas Aadil Mansoor (telelink)
Shaikh Khaalid Abdur-Rahmaan (telelink)

Begins at Jumu’ah on Friday through till Sunday 3pm – Knowledge, knowledge and more knowledge!

An amazing opportunity. See our flyer below for more details.

Spread the word, invite others, invite your parents, bring your families, neighbours and friends along!

Birmingham Dawrah 2013Friday Times:

  • 1.30pm: Shaikh Ahmad Subay’ee: “Jumua’h Khutbah”
  • TBC: Allaamah Ubaid al-Jaabiree: “Telelink”
  • 6pm: Shaikh Ahmad Subay’ee: “Chapters from Kitaab at-Tawheed”
  • 7.30pm: Shaikh Ahmad Subay’ee: “Explanation of Shaikh Al-Albaanee’s ‘Prophet’s Prayer Described'”
  • 9pm till 11pm: Shaikh Muhammad al-‘Anjaree: “The Lives of the Rightly Guided Caliphs”

    Saturday Times:

  • 12pm to 1.30pm: Shaikh Zaid ad-Dawsaree: “The True Reality of the Jama’aat at-Tableegh”
  • 2pm: Shaikh Ahmad Subay’ee: “Explanation of Kitaab at-Tawheed”
  • TBC: Allaamah Rabee al-Madkhalee: “Telelink”
  • 4pm: Shaikh Ahmad Subay’ee: “”Explanation of Shaikh Al-Albaanee’s ‘Prophet’s Prayer Described'””
  • 8pm till 9.30pm: Shaikh Muhammad al-Anjaree: “The Lives of the Rightly Guided Caliphs”
  • 9.45pm till 11pm: Shaikh Muhammad al-Anjaree: “Explanation of Imaam Ahmad’s Usoolus-Sunnah”

    Sunday Times:
  • 11am to 12pm: Shaikh Zaid ad-Dawsaree: “Demolishing the Ideology of the Jihadist Takfeerees”
  • 12pm to 1.30pm: Shaikh Ahmad Subay’ee & Shaikh Muhammad al-Anjaree: “Advice to the Salafis of the UK and the West.”
  • TBC: Shaikh Khaalid Abdur-Rahmaan: “Telelink”
  • TBC: Shaikh Abul-Abbaas Aadil Mansoor: “Telelink”

    End.