Archive for December, 2013


Shaykh Salih ibn Abdul Aziz Aali Shaykh may Allah preserve him said:

The third category: The man interaction with his wife [Click Here to Watch Video]

Allah جل وعلا has obligated upon the man similar to that which He has obligated upon the woman. Allah جل وعلا said:

وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَلِلرِّجَالِ عَلَيْهِنَّ دَرَجَةٌ [البقرة:228

“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them [al-Baqarah 2:228]

Allah جل وعلا has made the rights of the man primary, but He has given the woman rights just has He has given the man rights. Allah جل وعلا said in this verse:

“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable.

The Prophet صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ gave many advices concerning the women.

There are some people who marry and they do not learn the regulations concerning social interactions with the wife. How should he talk to her? How should he request from her? What are the obligations that the wife must perform?

On the contrary, he only interacts with her based upon his sheer desires. He treats her according to his wishes and sometimes based upon his manhood and based upon his strength. And he does not do that which is Islamic binding upon him.  He does not learn the legislated regulations concerning social interaction and dealing with the wife.

And how beautiful is the statement of Ibn Abbass رضي الله عنهما concerning this verse!  He said concerning the statement of Allah جل وعلا:

“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable.

He said: ‘Verily I do not like to demand all of my rights from my wife such that it will become obligatory upon me to give her all of her rights that she requests from me.

And also he used to order with beautification; meaning the man beautifying himself for his wife.

He said:

“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable.

Therefore if the man requests that his wife beautify herself for him, and that she remove any foul odor and that she is beautified when with him; then likewise it is obligatory upon him to interact with her with that which Allah جل وعلا has made obligatory.

Look at the condition of the Prophet صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ with his wives when they request maintenance from him. He said to them kind gentle words that preoccupied for a period of time until Allah جل وعلا reveal verses concerning this in Soorah Al Ahzab.

In many instances the man’s interaction with his wife is according to desires and according to the desires of manhood.

But some of the people are diligent upon interacting with their family according to the appropriate legislation, and this is what is obligatory so this is what we wanted to point out because this is a type of interaction that many people are void of.

On the other extreme as it relates to interacting with the wives, some people believe that good interaction is to give his wife free rein. And he fulfills every desire that the woman has without looking to see if that which she requested is permissible or impermissible, and without looking to see if it is something she has a right to do or not. It is something that will be good for her or is it something that will not be good for her? Is there a benefit for her it that or not?

(The men) are negligent in this affair to the extent that the women conduct themselves freeing like they are the men.

No doubt that these are two images on opposite sides of the spectrum.

  • The one who is harsh and cruel
  • The one who gives his wife free rein and it is as though his wife has become the man.

And the resolution for that, rather the balance and the guidelines are for the person to strive to be with his wife according to the guidelines of the legislation.

Allah جل وعلا ordered that the women should be given their rights; likewise He ordered that the man should be given their rights. And the Prophet صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ, from the final advices he gave during his life, was advice concerning the rights of the women.

During his sermon on the day of Arafat, during his tremendous sermon which he bided farewell to the people he said: ‘Be kind to the women because verily they are in your trust.’ Meaning like captives

But this does not mean that he leaves the affairs up to her to do however she wants, and it does not mean that the person is negligent concerning the commands of Allah; rather he should be in accordance with that which Allah جل وعلا wants.

The man requests things from his wife but it is befitting that his interactions with his wife be in accordance with the statement of Ibn Abbass رضي الله عنهما.

He said I do not like to demand all of my rights from my wife such that it will become obligatory upon me to give her all of her rights that she requests from me.

On the other hand, there is the interaction of the wife with her husband. Allah has given the man a degree over the woman. He said:

But men have a degree (of responsibility) over them [al-Baqarah 2:228]

Allah جل وعلا gave man a preference based upon him providing maintenance. Thus He gave him preference in that which is specific to the man; thus man is the one responsible for providing maintenance and he is responsible for commanding the good and forbidding the wrong.

And it is upon the wife to obey the husband in that which is obedience to Allah, she should obey him in that which is correct and she should not disobey him.

Such that no one he hates should enter his home and she should not leave his home unless he is in agreement. And if the wife preserves the husband’s rights upon her then she has performed her obligations.

And it appears in an authentic narration: “If the woman prays her five daily prayers, and fast (the month of Ramadan) and obey her husband, then it will be said to her, ‘enter paradise from any door you choose.’”

And there is no doubt the it is a requirement for the woman to obey her husband and it is an obligation upon her as it relates to her interaction with her husband that she is obedient and pleased and she should be the one who concedes and yields. And she should not make the man the one who submits to her, and the one who is submissive to her, because in this action there is corruption.

And the judges have spoken about the affair of the husband obeying his wife and what occurs when some of the women rule their husbands. The end result is that the woman is not content with her husband, the one who obeys her, and has some good interactions with her; rather she makes him obey her in everything that she desires. Thus the end result is that she hates him, because the woman by her nature needs someone who will take care of her. So if the man takes responsibility for her and interacts with her according to the commands of Allah جل وعلا then both of them will have a good result.

Translated by Rasheed ibn Estes Barbee

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Etiquettes of a Righteous Wife

Posted: December 21, 2013 in Uncategorized

Khutbah from Shaykh ‘Abdul Muhsin Al-Qasim, Imaam of Masjid An-Nabawee

The smart wife is she who makes her heart an abode of relaxation and tranquility for her husband, and who makes him feel joy just by talking to her; she lives with him in contentment and deals with him kindly.

  • She obeys him in all matters except when it entails disobedience to Allaah and she acknowledges the favours that he has done for her.
  • Also, she fulfils all her rights and accepts that he has a superior standing and a higher rank than her, as the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said: “If I were to command anyone one to prostrate to another human, then I would have commanded the wife to prostrate to her husband.” Shaykh Al-Islaam Ibn Taymiyyah, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said commenting upon this Hadeeth: “There is no right after those of Allaah and His Messenger sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam which is of a higher priority to fulfil than that of the husband.”
  • The righteous wife reminds her husband about Allaah when he become heedless; if she sees that he is becoming indulged in this life, she reminds him of the Hereafter;
  • she helps him through the hardships of life and never exposes his secrets;
  • she always obeys him and supports him in his dutifulness to his parents because she realises that they were the ones who raised and cultivated him;
  • she seeks her Lord’s pleasure by pleasing her husband and never focuses on his mistakes or exposes his shortcomings;
  • she looks after him when he is present and absent; she honours him when he is around and defends him when he is absent;
  • she never overburdens him with unnecessary expenses; her main concern is to please Allaah by virtue of pleasing her husband;
  • she cultivates his children upon righteousness and never disobeys any of his commands.

The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, gave his wife Khadeejah, may Allaah be pleased with her, glad tidings of a house in Paradise which is made out of pearls and in which there will be no displeasure nor anxiety; Imaam Ibn Katheer, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said: “This was because she never raised her voice over that of the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam and was never displeased with him, even for a day, and she never harmed him in any way”.

A wise woman once advised her daughter at the time of her wedding by saying: “O my daughter! You will never get what you desire from him until you give precedence to his pleasures over yours and his desires over yours whether you like them or hate them.”

Chastity is the core of a noble life, and the real beauty of a wife is realised when she remains at home, as ‘Aa’ishah may Allaah be pleased with her, said: “It is better for the woman that men never see her and she never sees them.”

A religious woman who is obedient to her Lord will

  • never deal with her husband with arrogance,
  • nor will she rebel against his guardianship;
  • she will never try to assume his role;
  • she always seeks his comfort and is always at his service;
  • she will never go to sleep while he is angry with her, until she has pleased him, because she realises that her success and her gaining of Paradise is subject to her obedience to her husband, along with fulfilling her obligations to her Lord.

It is obligatory on you O Muslim woman to obey your husband in matters of good. Abu Hurairah reported that Allaah’s Messenger (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “If a woman prays her five (daily) prayers and keeps her private parts chaste and obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise from any of the doors of Paradise she wishes.” [Reported by Ibn Hibbaan in his Saheeh]

From Abu Hurairah (radyAllaahu ‘anhu), Allaah’s Messenger (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:“It is not lawful for a woman to fast while her husband is present unless she has his permission. And she must not allow anyone in his home except with his permission.”[Reported by Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim]

Also from Abu Hurairah (radyAllaahu ‘anhu), Allaah’s Messenger (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “When a man calls his wife to bed and she does not come to him, and he spends the night angry with her, the angels curse her until the morning arrives.” [Reported by Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim]

And in the report of Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim, the Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “By the One in whose Hand my soul is, there is no man that calls his wife to bed and she refuses him, except that the One who is above the heavens is displeased with her until he (the husband) becomes content with her.”

From the rights the husband possesses over his wife is that she fulfills the duty of tending to his household and not coming out from it except with his permission. The Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “The woman is the caretaker of her husband’s household and she will be questioned as to her responsibility.” [Reported by Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim]

Another right he possesses over her is that she fulfills the duties of the household and that she does not make him hire a female servant, which will cause harm and due to which there will be a risk of danger for himself and his children.

Shaikh-ul-Islaam Ibn Taimiyyah (rahimahullaah) said commenting on Allaah’s saying:“Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in the husband’s absence what Allaah orders them to guard (i.e. their chastity).” [Surah An-Nisaa: 34]: “This mandates the unrestricted obligation of a woman obeying her husband, in all affairs, such as serving him, traveling with him, assisting him and other matters, as is indicated in the Sunnah of Allaah’s Messenger.” [1]

The great scholar, Ibn Al-Qayyim, said: “Those who say that it is obligatory for the woman to serve the husband use (this ayah) as proof in that those who Allaah directed His Speech to (on this occasion) considered this to be from al-ma’roof (good). But as for the woman relaxing and having the husband serve her, sweep, grind the flour, knead the bread, wash the clothes, fix the bed, and serve the household, then that is from al-munkar (evil).

And Allaah says: ‘And they (women) have rights (over their husbands) similar to those (of their husbands) over them.’ [Surah Al-Baqarah: 228]

And Allaah says: ‘Men are the protectors and maintainers over women.’ [Surah An-Nisaa: 34]

So if a woman doesn’t serve her husband, but instead he acts like a servant to her, then this means that she is the protector and maintainer over him.”

He further said: “For indeed Allaah obligated him to spend on her, to clothe her and to provide her with a place of dwelling in exchange for his enjoying her and her serving him, as well as what the habits of the spouses call for.

Likewise, the binding marriage agreements require that the spouses live in kindness. And kindness means a woman’s serving (her husband) and taking care of the inner affairs of the household.”

And he said: “And there is no difference as to whether the woman is prestigious or lowly, or if she is poor or rich. Just look at this woman who was the most prestigious of women in the world…” [2]

He is referring to Faatimah (radyAllaahu ‘anhaa) for she would serve her husband and come to the Prophet (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) complaining to him, but he would not complain about her.


Footnotes:

[1] Majmoo’ al-Fataawaa (32/260-261)
[2] al-Hadee (5/188-189)